What's the news?
It's April 1st and time for the BMW Group's zany sense of humour to once again come to the fore. Its annual press release prank for 2016 is to announce that the MINI is getting Scissor Doors.
Apparently only available on the three-door, Paceman and Convertible, with the five-door, Clubman and Countryman following in 2017MY, these Scissor Doors allow MINI owners to park in tighter gaps. The cost of the upgrade is, conveniently enough, €1,959 - there's a historic purpose to that price, of course. We told you this was hilarious stuff, right...?
In what looks to be a strangely gag-free paragraph (or it might be irony, we're not sure), Dalf Rietmann (yes, a Spoonerism) says: "The doors can be opened and closed as standard via remote control. In conjunction with Comfort Access, which is subject to an additional charge, the MINI can be opened and closed by means of a button on the door handle without having to use the remote control. It is sufficient for the ignition key to be in the user's trouser pocket, for example. In the future the idea is to enable opening and closing of the car via smartphone using the MINI Excitement App."
Anything else?
And now, for the crowning glory of our Teutonic friends' masterpiece, it's over to Malph Rahler, head of MINI Product Innovations, who claims: "In order to achieve maximum safety, the wing doors not only feature highly rigid side impact protection elements but also a pyrotechnical emergency opening system known as 'Pyrotechnic Emergency Exit', or PEE for short. With PEE, powerful propellants ensure that the doors are reliably blasted off within milliseconds in the event of an emergency, giving rescue workers fast access to passengers."
Sigh. So, same time again next year, eh? Although, note to MINI and BMW... don't give up the day job just yet.