I'd like to thank the committee of the Royal Irish Caravan and Camping Club of Ireland for having me here today.
I appreciate how much of a big step it is to invite a motoring journalist into your realm considering the ridicule and damage to your reputation brought about by those three berks who used to front a regular motor show on the telly, but let me assure you that is not my aim.
You see, in addition to being a journalist I am also a camper. I love the smell of a tent, the hunt for that perfect pitch, the spontaneity of checking the weather report before loading up for the weekend and the camaraderie shared between campers on a site - that knowing 'Hello' or 'Good morning' that you do not get in a hotel environment. In short, I am one of you, so I am not here to lambast people with caravans for holding up bank holiday traffic, question the morals of someone who decides to forego the safety and security of a hotel for the questionable weatherproof qualities of a tent, or even to pour scorn on those who see camping and caravanning as a viable alternative to two weeks in some Spanish resort. I am 'the converted' and you can save your preaching for another.
Instead the reason I am here today is to question your rating system for campsites, to try and gain a better understanding of why one site is three stars while another is awarded four.
Allow me to share my personal experience with you - I recently stayed at a site that had individual power points for all; caravans, campervans or tent all free of charge. Each individual pitch also had its own fresh water supply. The bathroom facilities were impeccably maintained with hot running water available day or night - not something that can be said of all sites. There was ample space between pitches and even complimentary bicycles for when the 500-metre walk to the nearest beach is too much. It has three stars. I have stayed on many a four-star site in my time and this was better equipped than the vast majority. From a consumer point of view how am I supposed to know the good sites from the great ones if your rating system is all wonky?
Might I suggest following the template of CompleteCar.ie? Let me explain:
In our parlance a zero-star car is an utter turd. The kind of thing that we drove so you don't have to. Avoid as if your life depends on it as it may well do.
If you see a one-star car on the road you can almost be sure it is being driven by someone connected with the brand - dealer or someone in PR. The kind of people paid to do such things - avoid.
A two-star car is the bare minimum we would advise. It has been seemed deficient in so many areas it is barely worth considering, but it may have one redeeming feature - usually that it is cheap.
Three-star cars are average, middle-of-the-road, the minimum that all cars should aim for. A three-star car does everything competently but nothing exceptionally. There is no shame in three stars.
A four-star car is special. It takes the 'does everything right' aspect of three stars but excels in a number of areas. It may mix a great price with an impressive standard specification, a great drive with low running costs or any number of combinations. You will be hard pushed to find a better car.
Some reviewers throw out five stars like confetti at a wedding. Not CompleteCar.ie. If a car has been awarded five stars it has been deemed the best car in its class, exceeding expectations in every field we can think of or has taken a giant step ahead of the competition, raising the bar.
While rare, five-star cars are generally worth waiting for - shouldn't campsites be the same?